She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

“She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman” is a popular book by Ian Kerner, a sex therapist and counselor, focused on enhancing intimacy and improving sexual relationships. The book emphasizes understanding and prioritizing female pleasure, especially in heterosexual relationships, with a focus on clitoral stimulation and oral sex.

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Key Themes and Takeaways

1. Female Anatomy and Pleasure:
   • The book provides an in-depth exploration of the clitoris and its role in female arousal and orgasm.
   • It demystifies female sexual anatomy in an accessible way, breaking down misconceptions.
2. Importance of Foreplay:
   • Kerner emphasizes that for many women, foreplay is not optional but essential for pleasure.
   • Techniques and strategies are outlined for building arousal and creating a more satisfying experience.
3. Communication:
   • The book stresses the importance of open communication between partners about desires, boundaries, and feedback.
4. Focus on Giving:
   • It promotes the idea that sexual satisfaction for both partners is enhanced when attention is given to mutual pleasure, with a particular focus on female satisfaction.
5. Techniques and Tips:
   • Practical advice is provided, including step-by-step techniques for oral sex and other forms of stimulation.
   • The tone is encouraging and non-judgmental, making it approachable for readers.

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Who It’s For

• Couples looking to improve intimacy.
• Men seeking to better understand their female partners’ needs.
• Anyone curious about deepening their knowledge of female sexual health and pleasure.

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Pros

• Educational and Empowering: Offers valuable insights into the female sexual experience.
• Non-Judgmental Tone: Written with empathy and an approachable style.
• Focus on Equality: Encourages a more balanced and reciprocal approach to intimacy.

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Cons

• Heteronormative Focus: Primarily addresses heterosexual relationships, which may limit its relevance for other orientations.
• Techniques Over General Relationship Dynamics: Focuses heavily on physical techniques rather than broader emotional or relational aspects.

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Where to Buy

• Online Retailers: Available on platforms like Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Books-A-Million.
• Bookstores: Check local or chain bookstores in the sexuality or self-help section.
• Libraries: Many libraries carry it for those who wish to preview before purchasing.

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What is the “She Comes First” Method?

The She Comes First method, coined by Ian Kerner, emphasizes prioritizing a woman’s pleasure in sexual relationships, particularly through understanding her anatomy and the significance of clitoral stimulation. The method advocates for:

1. Focusing on Oral Sex: Kerner considers it the most reliable way to help women achieve orgasm.
2. Prolonged Foreplay: Building arousal and connection before intercourse.
3. Empathy and Communication: Encouraging open dialogue to ensure both partners’ needs and preferences are met.

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How Long Does It Take to Read She Comes First?

• The book is around 240 pages, written in an engaging, easy-to-follow style.
• Average Time to Read: 5–6 hours, depending on your reading speed and whether you pause to reflect on the content.

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What to Read After She Comes First?

If you enjoyed She Comes First, consider these books to deepen your understanding of intimacy and relationships:

1. “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski:
   • A comprehensive guide to female sexual health and pleasure, focusing on psychological and physiological aspects.
2. “The Ethical Slut” by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy:
   • Explores communication and intimacy in various relationship styles.
3. “Mating in Captivity” by Esther Perel:
   • Examines the challenges of sustaining desire in long-term relationships.
4. “Becoming Cliterate” by Laurie Mintz:
   • A book aimed at closing the “orgasm gap” through better education and awareness.
5. “He Comes Next” by Ian Kerner:
   • A sequel to She Comes First, focusing on men’s pleasure and maintaining balance in sexual relationships.

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What is He Comes Next About?

He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man (also by Ian Kerner) is a companion book to She Comes First. It explores:

1. Understanding Male Desire: Breaking down societal expectations and myths about male sexuality.
2. Techniques for Pleasure: Practical advice for pleasing male partners.
3. Emotional Connection: Emphasizing that male arousal is tied to emotional intimacy.
4. Balancing the Sexual Equation: Helping couples achieve mutual satisfaction and deeper intimacy.

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Who Wrote She Comes First?

Ian Kerner, a licensed psychotherapist and sex counselor, wrote She Comes First. He specializes in intimacy and relationship counseling, often focusing on closing the “pleasure gap” in relationships.

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Who Wrote My Girl First?

There doesn’t appear to be a widely recognized work titled My Girl First. Could you clarify if you meant a different book or topic?

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Who Wrote A Woman’s Story?

• A Woman’s Story (Une Femme) is a memoir by French author Annie Ernaux. It is a poignant account of Ernaux’s relationship with her mother and her reflections on life, memory, and loss.

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Who Wrote First Comes Love?

• First Comes Love is a novel by Emily Giffin, exploring family dynamics, personal growth, and the complexities of love and relationships.

Is reading She Comes First still worth it?

Yes, reading She Comes First by Ian Kerner is still very much worth it, especially for individuals or couples seeking to improve their understanding of female pleasure and foster more satisfying and intimate relationships. Here’s why:

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Reasons Why It’s Still Relevant

1. Timeless Content:
   • The principles of communication, prioritizing mutual pleasure, and understanding anatomy don’t go out of date. Kerner’s insights remain applicable to fostering better intimacy today.
2. Bridging the Orgasm Gap:
   • The “orgasm gap” (where men reach orgasm more frequently than women in heterosexual encounters) is still a topic of conversation. This book provides practical solutions to address it.
3. Focus on Empathy and Partnership:
   • It’s not just about physical techniques but also about developing empathy and communication skills, which are essential in any healthy relationship.
4. Educational and Empowering:
   • Many readers find the content eye-opening, even in a world with more accessible sexual education resources. It dives deeper into nuances that often aren’t covered elsewhere.

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Who Will Benefit the Most

• Beginners: Those new to understanding female sexual anatomy and pleasure will find it foundational.
• Experienced Partners: Even seasoned partners can learn new techniques or gain fresh perspectives on approaching intimacy.
• Couples Looking to Strengthen Their Bond: Encourages open dialogue and collaboration, fostering deeper intimacy.

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Potential Drawbacks

• Heteronormative Focus: The book is written for heterosexual couples, so its approach may feel less applicable to other orientations or dynamics.
• Technical Focus: Some readers might wish for more discussion on emotional or relational aspects beyond physical techniques.

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Is It the Best Choice for You?

If you’re seeking to deepen your understanding of female pleasure, improve your skills, or enhance communication with your partner, She Comes First is still a fantastic resource. For more advanced insights or additional perspectives, books like Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski or Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel might also be great follow-ups.

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She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman